30 Days To “The Best Me Ever” - Day 26 - Developing a Healthy Relationship with Food
Submitted by Fit and Female Blog
A girlfriend of mine once said, “To be female and living on The Upper East Side (of Manhattan) is by definition — to be eating disordered”.
It wasn’t as funny a statement as it should have been — because in the circles we traveled in — it was actually true.
Manhattanites will also appreciate this gem from that same friend…she used to call Tasti D-Lite Stores — “a beacon for the eating disordered”…I love TD, but it’s really true!)
And from the emails that I’m getting from women all over these days, I think that there is far more borderline eating disordered behavior among women in this country than anyone believes.
Not really a stretch of the imagination when you consider that:
According to some studies as much as 97% of women are unhappy with their bodies.
Models whose bodies represent 2-5% of the world’s women are touted as the ultimate goal of womanhood in the media.
It seems like the celebrities whom thousands of young girls idolize are coming clean about their body image problems every day.
My friend and I were both in our mid 20s at the time (I’m 29 now ;-), both teaching “aerobics” (that was old skool for “group exercise”) and both recovering from various issues with food. She was a former professional dancer who had dabbled in both anorexia and bulimia.
I was never a full-fledged anorexic, but I was as close as you can get without falling over the edge. I was aspiring (but failed) bulimic, having tried a few times to make myself throw-up with no success. Virtually every woman we knew had issues with eating, food and their body image.
One of our friends (a group fitness instructor) was a serious exercise bulimic. She would literally spend two hours at a time on the stairmaster after teaching fitness classes all day long. Her weight would swing back and forth 20-30 pounds in the seeming flash of an eye. Lose-gain, lose-gain. Then she would be seen by various people at odd times (like 9 AM) in some random out-of- the way dinner eating huge amounts of chocolate cake.
Later, this fitness professional actually took up smoking, because it helped her lose weight. And finally, and most tragically..apparently, she got addicted to heroine and cocaine…true story…her health meant nothing to her. It was all about looking a certain way.
Food issues are especially difficult — because you can’t avoid food. You need to eat to survive.
It’s not like smoking, alcohol or drugs which you can steer clear off if you put yourself in the right environments. Not so with food, because at least 3 times a day, you are going to have to deal with it.
Beyond that, food means a lot more than sustenance for most of us. It means comfort, love, security and tons of other things. None of them having to do nourishment of the body.
Food issues are also issues of control. In a constantly changing, world full of things that we can’t control food — and our eating habits are one thing that we can master. Sometimes some of us take this to the extreme.
For years, every time there was a significant upset or upheaval in my life, I either lost or gained a significant amount of weight.
I had two periods of what I would describe as a borderline anorexia. The first one (in my early 20s) and the second (in my early 30s). In both of those instances I was very depressed and anxious about other things that were going on. Not eating and losing weight made me feel like I had control in at least one area of my life.
The really disturbing thing about that is…the more weight I lost, the more positive feedback I got from women. Both times I went from a size healthy 8-6 to an emaciated size 2-0 in a matter of weeks. My clothes were literally hanging off of me, my rib and hip bones were really popping out, I was hardly eating anything, my periods were irregular — but women kept telling me things like, “Wow — you lost so much weight — you look fantastic!!”
Someone (who I know has major eating disorders herself) actually told me, “you finally lost your baby fat!!”. And another woman (also very eating disordered) asked me for a step-by-step guide to what I did to lose weight.
Meanwhile, a rational part of me knows that this is not healthy, I’m getting sicker and I need help. Kinda messes with your mind.
Thankfully, in both cases I got some professional help and got my life back together.
The point is, as women we live in a distorted, mentally unhealthy world and we have to take a step back from the insanity and see it for what it is.
We have to feel good about who we are, who we are supposed to be, first and foremost. We have to remember that real women do not look like Barbie dolls, models or eating-disordered celebrities. We need to tune out to the garbage messages from the media about what we should look like. And if we’re in a bad place with any of this — we need to get help.
If you (or someone you care about) are dealing with significant body image or eating disorders. Please, please get some help. Know that what you are dealing with is far more common among women. You are not alone — not by a long shot. Obsessing about this garbage can ruin your quality of life — and your health. The sooner you deal with it, the better.
NEDA, the National Eating Disorders Association is one good resource. Or speak with your doctor, speak with a qualified therapist …but do something and do it NOW!!
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